Planning your next vacation can be hard. With so many places to see in the world, and such little time, it can be stressful to try and make the best decision. If you haven’t already considered cruising as an option for your next furlough, let me tell you some of the benefits of a cruise you might not be aware of.
- Always to tired to go to the after party? You don’t have to feel left out anymore, because on a cruise the after hours party begins at 8:00 p.m and ends at 8:32 pm. Be in your bed in time to watch that re-run of Hogans Heroes.
- Tired of getting nickel and dimed on your trips? On a ship, everything is free (except for a small fee on everything.)
- Want to feel youthful? Cruises are the only place where being under 70 makes you look like Justin Bieber.
- You get to go to places that no one else in the world even thinks about visiting. Skagway Alaska, Costa Maya Mexico, Sydney Nova Scotia, see for yourself why no one has heard of these places.
- Love to have clean hands? Then cruising is for you. We have 5,072 hand sanitizing stations (one every 5 yards,) so you can keep those hands as clean as a baby’s bottom.
- Hate buying expensive drinks? Just add water to the hand sanitizer and you get Moonshine. Add a little Ketchup and you get a nice Merlot. Never spend a dime when you are drinking cruise booze.
- All cruises have a minimum of 4 funeral directors to choose from.
- Every bathroom has an adult diaper changing station.
- Don’t run around town trying to find the one thing you need. All the buffets on a cruise serve Metamucil.
- Hate holding that beer while you pee guys? All the bathrooms have Beer holders next to the urinal.
- Love eating? It’s the only place you can have dessert for breakfast, booze for brunch and have Adult Onset Diabetes before dinner.
- Tired of going to the gym and not being able to find a machine to work out on? All the exercise facilities on your ship will be completely empty and the machines untouched.
- Since cruises normally sail in international waters there are no penalties for driving drunk on your mobility scooters.
- Are you claustrophobic and want to overcome your phobia? What better way than having a bathroom in your cabin, no bigger than a mini cooper; specifically designed to help you conquer your fear. Enjoy the sensation of being able to shower while you poop.
- Having a hard time gaining weight? If so, you should know the average cruiser gains on average 8 pounds.
We hope that you take this information to heart and really think about what you read today when you are planning your next vacation. Remember, cruise ships are not just where old people go to be bored anymore.
This bulletin was brought to you by, the association to prevent people from cruising.