Tag Archives | spooning

Spooning Bed


Like most children born in the south you can trace the beginnings of this Million Dollar Idea to something that happened at an Applebee’s. Everyone loves to spoon in bed. Weather it’s your boyfriend, or girlfriend or some random person you thought was good looking at the bar the night before; spooning is for everyone. The one downfall to spooning is, that there is nowhere to put your cute-cats-spooningarm that is not being utilized in the spoon. For centuries people have been trying to solve the curse to the free arm. I have seen National Geographic specials on the subject. A whole obtuse angle of the pentagon was dedicated to the matter. There are only 4 ways to put your free arm when you are the big spoon.

#1-You can put the arm up over you, but in one hour time you loose all feeling due to lack of blood flow.

#2-Put the arm behind you, but the American Society for Shoulder and Elbow Therapists list it as the #1 cause of shoulder tightness. Also, the National Committee for Sleep Research credits it as the main source for daily fatigue from disturbed sleep.

#3-Put the arm under the other person, however it wakes the person up if you move whatsoever.

#4- Curl it up and rest your head on it like a pillow. Although the using your arm as a pillow is the leading cause to nightmares according to the International Board of Dream Experiments.

So my cure for this growing global epidemic is something I call the Spooning Bed. It is a bed that has a sleeve built into it. The sleeve allows you to slide your free arm into and prevents you from feeling discomfort of the scenarios mentioned above. Not only will this improve your quality of sleep it will also improve the quality of your love life. My imaginary team of scientists, and false fact finders has determined that people using these beds divorce probability percentage will drop from 50% to 49.5%.

spoon1Unlike the sham wow this thing practically sells itself. It’s a bed, it’s a spoon it’s a spooning bed! You love spooning, but you hate losing blood flow in your arm; the spooning bed solves all of that. It works when your sleeping when you are napping you can pretty much spoon your troubles away. People who buy this are yelling spooning bed EVERYTIME.  For only $499, this thing will virtually fly off the shelf. Come on guys you are going to spend $100 a month on flowers every month anyways. You are throwing your money away like Charles Barkley at a strip club.


Here is a testimonial from a spooning bed customer, “The spooning bed is better than sex.”

I don’t know what you are waiting for. Ladies, spoon with your partner all night. Movies, books, sleeping will never be the same.