So, I was performing at a performing arts center in a small town in Arizona. The theatre was located inside a high school. When I was unloading my stuff, I found a love note on the ground. I thought it was very finn, but I wanted to share with you this amazing love note, with some of my commentary. Enjoi!
Letter #1 Gonna be a lot more where this came from
Hey beautiful. Solid start. So we have almost been dating for a week now! I think that is a Tanzanite anniversary. You are a very amazing girl. I know this is very corny, but Jacob and Carry from church do this and they have been together a long time. Two weeks in fact. I think that me and you will last for a long time:) I do too. Well, I hope we can get married! Whoa. Settle down champ. This is only letter #1. Save that for at least #3. You don’t have anywhere to go after that. My parents really like you a lot and so does my sister. And we all know how much of a bitch she is. Yesterday she was telling my mom she liked you more then any of my past relationships. And there have been a lot. My mom said she really likes you and your family so she was happy that we were dating. Damn. One week and the families have already met. This kid moves quick. I really like bracelet you got me “Hers.” Whoa. Red flag #1 dude. She’s a little possessive. It’s awesome. So is her reading your e-mails when your not around. I know you hate when I buy you stuff, but that’s how I show I like you. Well then stop buying her edible underwear. Don’t you know she can’t eat gluten. Not a good sign. Been together a week and she already developed a disliking for your gifts. Although it is A little creepy that buying her stuff is how you show her you like someone. Almost like, the only way I can show you I care is by cutting myself. I have never got any girl anything. Not even an orgasm. Frowny face. So your kinda special. Because I spend my lunch money on shit you don’t like. I starve for you. Haha 😛 I hope that’s not weird. That’s why I wrote Haha. So the things we talked about that we needed to fix, I’m working on it. Haha 🙂 Red flag #2. Been together a week and she is already giving you stuff to work on. Get out. But I am not promising anything. AKA- I still am going to sleep with hookers. Just kidding. I mean if you thought that was funny then I do too. I am always going to try and make you happy. This kid learns early. I hope you liked your birthday gift 🙂 I thought it was established she didn’t. But I can promise that next time for x-mas will be 1,000 times better. Damn straight girl. I’m gonna get a job, maybe sell my x-box and get you the finest Justin Bieber poster money can buy. I know you like my glasses, but I don’t. Well I guess they are growing on me 🙂 No. They look stupid. I also wanted to tell you that I like your glasses and especially your braces 🙂 That might be the first time that has EVER been said. I like your braces. The way the food get’s caught in them really brings out the color of your eyes. Your gonna have super straight teeth. After braces, they are not going to be attracted to teeth of the same sex. I really want to try a bible challenge with you so we can focus on god because without him we are nothing. Bible challenge? Is that christian dirty talk? I am gonna take you into my room and I am going to whisper john 3:16 in your ear till your body can’t take anymore. We should really go to Africa on a mission. I think we would have fun together. I mean, what a great way to celebrate our love, by converting some natives to Christianity. So, I know this is kinda weird, uh oh if I asked you to marry me after high school would you? Sounds like you just did. And another question, would have stopped before the first one how many kids do you want and what names. Red flag #3. If she knows how many kids she wants and their names, she is bat shit crazy. Get out. Alright, well write me back please 🙂 Umm. Yeah. About that. Your amazing 🙂
Your Boyfriend High five-ing my buddies now.